Sunday, March 26, 2017

You Can’t “Have it your way”

You Can’t “Have it your way”

A good buddy of mine and I go into a Burger King in Las Vegas to kill the oppressive 95-degree heat. He orders a cola/soda. I want something colder, so I say I want a chocolate milkshake in one of the giant forty-some-odd ounce cola/soda cups. The lady holds up a 16ish ounce cup and says, “This is a large.”

“Right, but I want one bigger than that, so can you just fill one of the 40+ ounce cups and just charge me the difference.”

“No, I can’t do that. This is the largest we have,” she shows me the cup again, in case I didn’t catch it the first time.

“Okay, but I’m willing to pay whatever it costs to fill one of those huge cups.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t sell me multiple milkshakes and put them in a single cup?”

“No. This is the largest I can give you.” Shows me the cup again.

“You’re kidding?”

She rings up a milkshake. “Anything else?”

“You’re telling me you can’t sell me 2 milkshakes and pour them both into one cup? That’s ridiculous.”

“Do you want anything else, sir?”

There’s no one else in line, so I decide I’m not finished with this, yet. “Are you the manager?”

She turns and yells, “Stan! Someone wants to talk to you!”

The manager comes out of the back room looking pretty unhappy. “What?!”

She points at me and walks away.

Stan steps up to the counter and sizes me up. “Yeah?”


“Hi. I just want to buy a couple milkshakes, but I want to have them put in one of those 40-ounce cups.”

Stan holds up a cup. “This is the largest we have.” Cool. I forgot what it looked like.

“Yeah, I want to buy 2 of those, but instead of putting them in two cups like that, put them in the bigger cup.”

“Those are soft drink cups. We can’t serve them in those cups.”

“I’ll pay for the cup.”

“We have no way of knowing how much milkshake is going into the cup.”

At this point, Jeff, who has been standing several feet behind me cracking up, leans around me and says, “So you’re saying he can’t ‘have it his way?’”

Then I say, “Yeah, don’t you watch the commercials?”

He just stands there looking at me.

“You know what? Just give me two chocolate milkshakes.”

Stan lets his hand hover over the keyboard for a minute, eying Jeff suspiciously. (Your guess is as good as mine) He types it in, I pay, and he gives me the milkshakes.

Jeff and I walk out and get in the car. I pull into the drive-thru and order a chocolate milkshake and an extra large cup of water. At the window, I pay for the milkshake, ask for a drink tray, take the drinks and park. 

As I get out of the car, I dump the water on the ground. I walk inside, go up to the counter, open all three milkshakes, pour them into the huge cup, and gulp down the ¼ cup left in the last one. 

I slide all three empty shake cups across the counter to the woman with her mouth hanging open, pick up my giant milkshake and have it MY WAY.